Hahaha
Written on 11:33 PM by Kristen
Here are two.
and this beauty...
Update to the previous post, my hair is now drastically different. I'll post pictures soon.
Decisions Decisions..
Written on 11:36 PM by Kristen
Ok I cannot decide what to do with my hair now that it's brown.
Leave it till after new york? Maybe, it's kinda fading and I have to wear makeup or my face disappears. The brown color also seems to change color if I take pictures outside vs. inside.
Current Hair
College Shorter Blonder Hair
Post College Really Long Blonde Hair
Possible Inspiration Hairdo, if I decide to cut it all off again.
I had short hair last year, and I've been growing it out.. I'm not sure I want to undo all of that just yet. I've been enjoying the ability to pull it back when I am lazy or working out.
I also like having long hair if I go dancing.. but when's the last time I did that?
This chick in the picture also has major cheekbones and a possible eye lift. This hair might make my face look fat.
Any Ideas??
Important Life Altering Public Service Announcement.
Written on 9:07 PM by Kristen
So it is reallly cold at my work. I mean reee-leee cold.. Mostly on our floor. Sometimes I go visit people on other floors just to thaw out. Cuz, I mean it's hard to be taken seriously at work when you are clenched in a full body shiver and have a ruddy dose..(runny nose).
We have jeans months during July and August, so I've been wearing my longest thickest jeans every day, and some type of sweater or shirt, plus a "work sweater". The one you keep in your car and wear every single day and has pen ink on the sleeves. Also, I keep a rocket launching space heater under my desk, which I call my "Fan" to make it appear cube legal. It sounds like a space ship taking off when I start it up.. Beeep Beeep Beeep . Whoooosh!
So even if my feet are blazing fire tootsies, my arms will still be numb on top of my desk. It's only a matter of time before I catch the croup, and have to cut off the blackened tips of each of my fingers. I've contemplated those 80's Madonna fingerless gloves, but I didn't want word getting around that I am a scurvy transient, or worse, an Emo.
So one of my gossip/news websites has an article most newsworthy titled,
Ultimate Battle: The Snuggie vs. Slanket vs. Freedom Blanket vs. Blankoat
I'm glad to know someone has thoroughly tested said products, because I have been contemplating a snuggie/slanket .. purchase for some time now.
Futhermore, I will be going to New York next month, and I fear that I'll be cold on the airplane ride, and maybe the hotel won't have quality bedspreads, and what if I get a chill watching Phantom of the Opera.
Can I take a Slanket on the subway? I mean it's New York, aren't people strange there already? Is it in poor taste to take a Slanket to the Theatre? I don't imagine it would be dangerous....
No mugger is going to yell "Hey tourist.. give me your blankie"
Monday Fun-day!
Written on 11:55 PM by Kristen
Lets hope this week is better than the last few have been.
Va va va ... Vampire???
Written on 10:19 PM by Kristen
Here is my now slightly darker hair color. It's my evil alternate personality.
And this is me if I became a vampire/rockstar. Apparently I am a happy vampire/rockstar.
I just can't take it anymore!!
Written on 8:51 AM by Kristen
OK, sometimes Cute Overload ( www.cuteoverload.com ) is just too cute for my own good. I really felt the "overload" this morning. I mean if it weren't for my PJ's and lack of showering, I was halfway out the door to purchase a tiny creature of my very own. I wouldn't even mind if his cage got smelly. Soooo cute!
I mean I don't have time for a dog, but I think a guinea pig wouldn't mind so much if I was at work all day. Stephanie Plum had a hamster and they got along great.
I feel the urge to talk baby talk and say words like snorgle and mooshie right now.
Stop the insanity!!!!
Now Boarding....
Written on 9:52 PM by Kristen
First Class gets warm hand towelettes and a turbulent ride to Hell.
Get a first look at the new scientology "Ideal Org" uniforms. Utopia for the insanely evil and deluded.
When you want to say, "Why yes, I am a flight attendant, but I can still lead anyone with enough cash and fame to a fiery damnation"
I think they really lost everyone with the whole red-lined cape thing. Were they going for...
Modern day warlock?
Hogwarts Hussy?
Criss Angel's bathrobe?
FYI - her shoes kill vampires and the guy on the left has been castrated.
Why can't I ever get a warning...
Written on 10:49 PM by Kristen
Never fear comrades.. it is once again safe for persons of normal temperature to enter my apartment. My apartment handy-dudes came by again to fix the air conditioning after last months book club disaster, and it's been coolin' ever since. I have decided to move, but I haven't told the apartment complex yet. Instead I asked the manager of the complex for some kind of compensation on my electric bills, since the A/C was running non stop. I ended up getting a 150 dollar credit towards August rent. Now I'll tell them I'm moving... mwaaa haaa haaaaa
Which leads to my next story of the time I supposed my car alignment was off, and Firestone said it was not, just that I probably had a wanky tire. So I went to discount tire and told them they sold me a bad tire, and I wanted a new one. When they said they couldnt tell which if any tires were internally faulty, I said, that's OK because I want you to replace the tire on the other side too, since it wore out the tread unevenly. Then they proceeded to spend an hour rotating all the tires around multiple times trying to figure out which one it was so they'd only have to give me one tire.
They sent some poor 16 year old fool to tell me the bad news, that they would only replace one, but really weren't sure which one it was. The young lad had no chance, I argued so well and said I didnt have time to waste to have them keep trying to figure it out, so they better just replace all 3 tires that were worn.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, I left that day with 3 brand new tires.
Which leads me to my blog title and ultimate question..... Why can't I ever get a warning from a police officer. I've been pulled over like 7 times probably and always gotten a ticket. Even when I was just barely 16 and my mom was in the car with me. One time I was actually crying real tears b/c i thought my parents were gonna ground me. No Dice. I have no luck when it comes to that. Any tips????
Kitty is pretty too!
Written on 10:44 PM by Kristen
Wow, I have lots of excess imagination with nothing to do on a Saturday other than organize my brand new giant box of make up..... 
(insert evil laugh of makeover genius here...)
Who's that girl???
Written on 1:40 PM by Kristen
After going to a fabulous Mary Kay party last week , thank you Maigen, I went to the website to read up and see what else was out there....
And I found this!!!
You can try on all the Mary Kay makeup, and yummy lipgloss right there on the website, and apparently change your hair and possible religious/ethnic affiliations. The lipgloss doesn't taste as yummy on the website though. :(
I'm thinking based on the photo below that I need to dye my hair this winter, but that would require an entire wardrobe change as well. I may just have to leave it for posterity on the website instead. I was sad to see they didn't have the Kate Gosselin hairdo for psycho's though. I'll just have to wonder what I look like as crazy.
I wonder if I'll get any offers to be a mail order bride from this????
Lost and Found
Written on 10:26 PM by Kristen
In honor of the next Harry Potter movie, I found this beauty on the inter-web. Somehow reminds me of my Ron dearest and his faulty owl.
Dear children of the world...
Written on 6:44 PM by Kristen
Don't do drugs.. Especially in your face. That is all.
Surprise!
Written on 8:32 PM by Kristen
This is how I've been shocked and surprised today, by things that some of them, I really should just know by now. Others I didn't see coming.
When your 100% socially inept boss's boss stops by the cake for people's anniversaries of working at the company, and he says "happy birthday". Smiles and walks off with cake like a jackass.
When you find out via internet that someone you know probably has fake boobs.
When you know someone has a ridiculously small forehead, either/or too much hair, but you're still shocked to see it. Like it's some circus side show you cant stop staring at.
When you realize why your old college roomate wore 18 virginity bracelets, because you now see her younger sisters wedding pictures on facebook and her younger sister already has a kid. Ohhhh.! Now I get it.
My new boyfriend!!!
Written on 12:03 PM by Kristen
Papa John. And aren't you intrigued to know how my new boyfriend, who we'll call Big Papa, brought his love of garlic and cheese into my life? About a month ago I decided to give Big Papa a chance, after my Ex, Soprano, skipped town never to be heard from again. Jerk! Big things come in small packages a-la the delivery driver Rico. Rico was late bringing Big Papa for our first date, he took over an hour in fact. By then I was a raving hungry lunatic with an empty plate and a broken heart. But Papa did what no man had done before.
Big Papa was sorry. So sorry that he wrote his sorry-ness on a post card and sent it old school style to my mail box, offering me a free no strings second chance at Big Papa love. How could I resist such a heartfelt apology? Big Papa got his second chance and boy did he deliver. Ladies, that is a true apology. Not the kind that is spoken into the air, never to be remembered again, but that kind that I can go back to days and days later to know just how sorry he really is. In fact I am tasting Big Papa's apology right now, and it's even better on the 3rd day.
I heart you Papa!! Lets be sorry for the rest of our lives!
I dare you!
Written on 6:57 PM by Kristen
Yep, he dared me....... to take a picture of his dumb-a%% . I bet he feels really silly when a cop pulls him over for speeding and looking like a jack-a%%.
I wonder how much that ticket costs.
Our dear friend Alison has a theory about dudes in mustangs. This just solidifies the theory and pushes it farther towards a certified entry in the Wikipedia of douchebaggery.
Whiny Wednesday
Written on 9:49 PM by Kristen
Sorry for the scary bad writing, grammar, literary devices etc... but I really don't care.
Once again I find myself alone in my apartment, whilst some tragedy unfolds before my helpless non-handyman hands. The first plot point to this tragedy was the night I moved into my beauty-ful apartment, and the pipe behind the toilet starts leaking all over the floor. Fate provided a foil lasagna pan which held the water until morning light. Then I had to stand around all Saturday morning in my skeezy unshowered moving PJ's while a stranger fixed my toilet. Awkward, Princess.!
Tragedy plot point number two was when the power kept randomly going off in my apartment, like a crafty lightning bug messing with my pizz-ower. No one believed tragic apartment Rapunzel, they accused her of optical delusions. The electricity proceeded to disappear for over 24 hours, a week later, throughout the entire kingdom of "Building 10". Chaos, Calamity, and Cursing could be heard over all the land. Now who's laughing ye snooty apartment office wenches.??
Tonight I sit and await handy dude number 2 to avenge the evil blinky alarm monster.
(handy dude #2 is much younger than handy dude #1 coincidentally)
Prologue:
I have no alarm system set up.
I have no alarm code.
I have no intruders.
My alarm system starts beeping at random intervals for no particular reason during American Idol (well played alarm) ... Then all bazookie breaks loose and it's a wailing siren. Thanks neighbors for coming to check on me (not). Turning the breakers off has absolutely no effect. I call the handy dude helpline which calls me back and instructs me to disconnect the battery in my closet.
FYI to all intruders, go to my closet first to turn off the alarm. Neato. So this battery looks like a small car battery with two connectors on top. Both of them are stuck I discover through my rubber gloves. Hey, I don't wanna die alone and electro-fried lying face down in my Croc's collection.
So handy dude shows up and realizes there's a second part that has to be disconnected. Handy dude doesnt know batteries but he's kinda cute. Handy dude's gonna come replace something on Friday when the part comes in.
I think its a date!
Dear Alison......
Written on 9:39 PM by Kristen
Dear Alison,
What have you gotten me into? Is this a bad Omen? I purchased the book for May book club at half price, only to get home and find this inside the front cover....
Also, when I went took a picture of the cover, the first one turned out red.
I am so creeped out right now. I'm only going to read this in the daylight around people, just in case.
I'll also hold my chapstick tight to my chest in case a third thing happens ...
I trust from the Zoloft post it note that this will be beautifully written, and that no one will kill me in my sleep. Maybe this was planted craftily by the suicide pushers at Zoloft Inc.
T-4 days and counting...
Written on 5:44 PM by Kristen
Weekend update:
Friday night book club was great this weekend. I made semi-appropriate comments about literature, saw a gang of guys walk by with what I hope were beebee guns, ate yummy snacks, and lost my voice to RockBand.
Saturday night, I went to Northpark (with the comfortable seats) to see 17 Again with one of my friends. Matthew Perry was totally out acted by Zac Efron. It was also awkward watching Matthew Perry be the older version of Zac, unless Zac takes up a meth habit I don't see him aging that badly.
The other ohh say 62-ish hours of the weekend were filled with frustration, illness, and a general feeling of malaise. I spent TARP-ish amounts of money at Firestone a few weekends ago to have a leak in my A/C fixed, only to discover that now it stops working in general when I stop my car in traffic. I took it back but they couldn't figure out what was wrong with it because it wasn't hot enough outside. Apparently the air temperature affects a mechanics ability to deduce and problem solve. Silly me. Wrenches just don't work unless it's a tropical heat wave. I let them know just exactly how busy and important I am, and that I don't have endless saturdays to give them my car and bum around at mom and dad's.
So I woke up at the bootylicious crack of dawn to take my car in on a saturday morning, then go back to the 'rents house. Mom and I took Booger Bean aka. Roxy to the dog park where I got all muddy, and mom got accused of owning a small pit bull. Roxy found a friend though, and we moved to the other side of the park to watch them play. Yeah for normal people! you are so few and far between. Then Roxy and I went home to take a nap. I slept for way longer than planned and woke up around 2pm. Sleeping in the middle of the day does not agree with me. I drove to Potbelly's barely aware of what I was doing to try and get some food to feel better. By the time I felt generally coherent again I called Firestone to find out they hadn't even looked at my car yet. Either way I later picked up my car and went to the movies.
Sunday morning I wake up early with a sickish feeling and a couple of hours until church. Nothing I tried made me feel better, then i discovered why I might have felt so bad the last day or so. I opened the milk carton I just bought earlier in the week, expiration May 27th, and got a whiff of rancid lactose. I had just drank this stuff the day or two before, and suddenly it turned all crazy smelling. Not a normal gradual milk gone bad smell either. Something else had probably gotten into this stuff. Especially for it to go bad so fast. Eeeeewww..
Well, just when your weekend is on a downturn, life gives you a small nugget of happiness.
I Tivo'd The Soup with Joel McHale (future husband) and watched it Sunday morning. Probably my most favorite episode yet for two reasons. Bruno Tonioli from Dancing with the Stars was not only on the show, but rips off Joel's shirt. Joel proceeds to do the rest of the show semi open shirted with his tie looking like a leash or something. Then towards the end, it's the tri-fecta of soupiness. Joel McHale open shirted, talking about Twilight, with a Harry Potter Nerd. It made the sun come out I swear. I hope they post it on you tube.
For now, just a picture.....
I'm just saying.. you're probably going to hell....
Written on 10:18 PM by Kristen
Have you ever gotten unfortunately and disastrously lost on the internet, and taken a serious wrong turn down Time Wasting Lane? I clicked on one of my friends' much younger siblings blogs in order to see her latest pregnancy update (shudder), only to see the ever present Mo list of "Me and My Man" themed blogs.
Kami and Kyle,
Jeff and Crystal,
The I'm Happier than you Family,
I clicked on a few links to blogs of people I used to know back in High School, which leads you to blogs of other people you used to know etc... etc.... etc.........
Eventually I just start taking random crapshoots at the names to see if I know anyone else, or if there are any funny pictures. I swear to god the below post is not doctored in any way. Names have been changed to protect the Guilty.
"I found out I was pregnant when I was in Idaho visting my parents back in September. I wanted to tell my mom in a funny way so I knew it had to include my sister with Down's Syndrome, Jenny*. I wanted Jenny* to take the pregnancy test to my mom and just hand it to her and say "Mom, I think I'm pregnant" but Jenny* can never follow directions. She always has to ruin our plans by changing things up and saying whatever she wants which totally ruins the moment"
Wow, I'm so sorry your special needs sister had to go and ruin your perfect life. At least you've found the humor in Down's Syndrome and use it to liven up family events.
I currently loathe the internet. What's the word for being anti-social, but only towards the internet?
taking stock....
Written on 10:07 PM by Kristen
I don't like new years resolutions. We make them when we're fed up with the previous year, and exhausted from all the holidays and celebrations. A week, a day, or so later you break them and you're right back where you were in 2008 kicking your own (a**).
I prefer an end of January "how's it going" type of reflection. How has 2009 been so far.?
Good:
Joined a gym and went fairly often
Visited my best friends
Got a raise at work
Have a manager that thinks I go a good job, and tells other people too
Baked 3 new successful cookie recipes
Took down my christmas decorations (which were fabulous!)
Had one guilt-free sick day off of work
Finally watched a movie I'd been meaning to watch
Not so good:
Spent a lot, saved a little
Stayed up way too late way too often
Have yet to turn on my old computer, much less transfer the files
My stack of things to file is growing exponentially
Ikea table is still bare and unpainted
Stacks of clean laundry are also multiplying (drawer-a-phobia?)
Still late to work (this may never change)
Not so bad for 4 weeks into the new year. Without the Not So Good list I might become spontaneously conceited or worse.... boring!
O. M. G.
Written on 11:09 PM by Kristen
Like Holy Cow. we have a new Miss America.
How could I miss something so darn important.
Ahem.... My Captions: (Alison please recite in your finest Valley Girl)
Miss America... "Oh My GAWWW I can't shut my mouth."
Girl in Blue Dress.... "You skank, you look like Madonna in Like a Virgin. Who did you have to sleep with?..... Hey, are my boobs even?"
Girl in Black Dress... " Ohhh crap. I slept with the wrong judge"
Miss America.... "Oh my Gawww!!! this really hurts my brain. Yes I'll marry you.. I do. I do... Ohh, that's not what this is?"
That's OK Miss America, at least you get a job and a cash prize instead of this.
New Year... so what!
Written on 9:37 PM by Kristen
Thanksgiving break is long gone, so are all the leftovers.
My Christmas decorations serve only as a reminder of the psychotherapist jerk at the tree lot who confirmed for me that I wasn't married because I didn't want a tree. The only thing hanging around is a few extra pounds to keep me warm on the odd random cold Texas winter days. Even January is indifferent. Hot... Cold... ehhh who cares?
Never fear all ye inflicted with the January Blues...
Happiness is a boxer on a trampoline.
