..."but Kristen?"  you ask.  "If you're in total agony, how are you writing this fantastic blog?"

Well Friends,  we seem to have what is called in the sticks, or Dallas Swat, take your pick, a domestic disturbance!  This has awoken me from my slumber a tad earlier than planned, my children of the night....  mwaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaaa!!!!

 As you may well know, I just moved to a new apartment in the far north of a pretty snobby city.  I assumed and expected that this would alleviate the normal pitfalls of apartment life ie... scary people, redneck neighbors and their dogs/kids, yuppie shenanigans.

I came home tonight to find a pretty nice truck with a trailer attached to the back blocking my normal parking area.  I parked adjacent to the building on the other side and continued my way upstairs, chinese take out in hand.  Up the stairs I go to find a guy approximately my age, two kids that clearly he is NOT the father, and some of their stuff in the hallway. This was about 8pm.  When I was ready go to go bed around 10:30 I hear what I thought was a TV program through my window.  I listened for a minute, clearly this must be HBO to have such foul language.  No wait, maybe MTV based on the education level of the speaker and the slight valley girl speech impediment.  Ohhhh  sweet mother, it's someone outside!   

So I turn my lights off so I can more unobtrusively spy on my neighbors. Where did this trashy siren wench come from?  Its as if she was spawned from the trailer under a cold dark night in October to spew forth Righteous Truths.    That's right girl, guys are morons.  Yell it louder!  

Oh wait.  She and her husband are both morons.  Let down.  

They have chosen to yell and scream at each other sitting in the flat of the open trailer, instead of the nice cozy truck interior with the doors shut like normal people.  "Not in front of the kids, Honey"

"but Kristen?"  you ask, "Wasn't that at 10:30?  Why are you up at 2"    Well my pretties, have you ever heard a blood curdling scream?   really though,,,... and with a raspy voice out in the cold?  To the effect of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

This chick is screeeeaming at the guy now.  I think he was trying to make her get in the car.  She's like "how can you do this to me?"   My guess is he broke up with her and was trying to get her to an institution, but I'm no expert. I believe there was a struggle and then all fell silent.

I don't even want to know.  I normally woulda told them to shut up myself, but seeing as how they are a few crayons short of a picasso, I opted not to piss off the new redneck neighbors.  

Back to bed.  Waiting for the Aleve to kick in again...